And so I will now be counting down (rather than counting up)...not because I'm anxious to finish this chapter, but because I feel like I need to have an awareness of how much time I have left so that I might savor each day. Despite my best efforts to keep it at an arms length, the franticness of ending has settled into my stomach. Not sure if that's where it tends to settle for others, but it is most certainly the place in my body where franticness tends to reside and there are always interesting side effects as a result.
It is so interesting that at the near half way point of this mission to care better for myself I discovered that I needed to complete another 100 hours at my internship in order to fulfill the prerequisite for Colorado licensure. Figuring out how to keep my head above water in the midst of this chaos has been a challenge. But somehow learning to let certain things go (like blogging every night) and choosing to hold onto other things (like going outside in the afternoons with the girls whenever we can) has been my saving grace. And the crazy thing is that once you have a taste of what it's like to not have your world spinning off it's axis, even if it's only for a few weeks, is enough to make you realize you never want to let things get that out of balance again. I am falling in love with the peacefulness that only seems possible if I am intentional about being attuned to my own needs in the midst of providing for others. I am learning how to mother myself...and how to find the mothering I still need from those around me (but more on that little bit later).