Dear Colorado,

I guess since I've taken up residence once again in your terrain that now might be a good time to clear the air and reacquaint ourselves a bit. I know that I'm not technically a native since I first arrived on your soil at the tender age of 5, but you never seemed to hold that against me. And now that I've been away for four years, I hope that your acceptance is even further extended.

I have to admit that we never really got off on the right foot. I grew up believing that the move out here was what prompted the demise of my parents marriage, triggering a domino-effect upon the course of my life. I wasn't angry with you specifically, but I think that as a result I was never able to attach to you. You could never be considered home if you were the cause of so much pain in my life.

It was when I became involved with a church youth group that I began to fall in love with you. As I backpacked into your mysterious and vast mountains, skied some of your most rugged terrain, rafted down your rivers, and traveled from one end of the Rockies to the other I grew eyes that could behold glimpses of your beauty. There were many dark moments when your beauty reminded me of life, refreshed my broken spirit, and renewed my hope in the journey.

But as the years went on and the journey laid forth some difficult turns, your beauty was no longer enough to soothe my sorrowful soul. You offered what you could in your masculine landscapes, but it wasn't the rugged terrain I needed. It was the nurturance of a feminine beauty, where one's thirst can be quenched, that my heart most ached for. Four years of being tended to by luscious leaves, water in abundance, and a blanket of clouds...that is what I needed.

So here I am once again. I have come back. And I'm hoping for a new kind of relationship. You no longer have to bear all of the blame for my parents divorce. And I've discovered a life-source within, so your beauty needn't always rescue me. Instead, I long for us to give to one another, to see one another in a new way. Our stories are intertwined. Your land holds many memories for me - many of great harm, many of great joy. But my hope, is that our journey has entered into an entirely new chapter...that our relationship is about to take a different form. Colorado - I'm asking you to love me well...and I finally feel able to truly love you back.

Yours,
Shauna

We're back!

We returned to Washington exactly one week ago and we're just now feeling settled back in. It literally took me a week to re-organize our 1100 square foot apartment in order to make room for new toys and all the goodies from Christmas. Faith is now back in her own room (we got rid of a couple of book shelves and converted our bedroom into part bedroom/part office). She was initially thrilled about the idea but she's complained about sleeping all alone the past couple of nights. At this point, she's going to have to get used to it because we simply can't fit all the clothing for three little girls into a single closet.

Our visit home was bitter-sweet. We loved reconnecting and spending so much time with everyone, but it always serves to remind us of just how alone we are out here. I know that a great number of people raise families without the support of their extended family...but I think that when you've known what it's like to have a larger community supporting your immediate family, it makes it more difficult when you lose that support (even if it's only for a season of life). I guess we have learned that you don't really appreciate what you have until it's gone.

Despite the struggles of simply living so far from our loved ones, we still feel so cared for by God in this entire venture. I can't believe that I'm half way through my program at school. This entire experience has already taught us so much about love, life, and who we are individually and collectively as a family. We're excited for a new year and new discoveries.

Thank you to all of you who loved us so well while we were visiting. We ache in our desire to be nearer to each of you. I'll attempt to download all of our photos and post a holiday recap slideshow later this week!


p.s. We pulled out the good old webcam and set up our skype account...so you should all set one up too so we can at least see each other more regularly!