Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sacred moments

Considering I got married a year out of high school and began having babies shortly thereafter, I have never really experienced a significant amount of "aloneness." I am often surrounded by people. It wasn't until I began graduate school that I started to question if I could ever stand being alone for an extended period of time. A few short months into the counseling program, my practicum leader challenged me to spend time with myself each day during the holiday break when I would be visiting family in Colorado. During that season of life, being with myself meant being with my own sadness. It was as if there were years worth of heartache that had piled up and it was all right there, waiting to be entered into. This did not make the idea of "being with myself" all that appealing. But over the course of the past few years I have grown in my capacity to be with myself.

One of my favorite times of the day is the 20 minute drive back to my mom's house (our current living quarters) after I've dropped the girls off at school. Sometimes I listen to music that fosters a connection to the inner me. Other times I sit in silence with my own thoughts. Today, while listening to music and feeling overwhelmed by the beauty all around me - the blanket of snow that has literally rested upon everything in sight contrasted by the wide open blue sky - three small deer decided to cross the street right in front of me. I struggled to slow my car down quickly enough and eventually stopped within a few feet from one of them. The deer sat in their in the middle of the street staring at me for what seemed like minutes before it decided to move on. I am struggling to put words to the experience. My encounter with this deer somehow opened my mind and soul up to the realization that when we make space to "be with ourselves" we actually grow in our awareness of our connection to every living thing in this mysterious creation. 

2 comments:

dearheathermarie said...

i wish a photo could have been taken of you and the deer. for some reason i really want to see this image or have seen the nonverbal exchange you had with them, something...it feels poignant--can't.quite.locate.my.thoughts about it. other than it's magnetic and intriguing, but maybe it's only yours and that's the point. your moment that no one else can have. good. keep it : )
i also think you and alone time means brilliant things surfacing, more so than for others...

Emily said...

A(wo)men.