heartache

Dear Blog,

I have missed you. I probably think about you everyday...and there are so many things that I long to share with you. But I must confess, it is really hard to face you. It's nothing you should take personally. It's just that you remind me of a season in my life that has come to a close. You see, right now, I'm back in the in-between...and as of right now, I really really REALLY hate the in-betweenness. It's uncomfortable. It's overwhelming. It's calling forth the birth of something knew. Labor sucks. And it's beautiful. It's painful. And it's a miracle. It's messy. And it's transformative.

When I was approaching my due date during my pregnancy with Faith I remember thinking, "I don't care how painful or how long the labor will be...I'm ready to endure it because I long so desperately to greet this precious life that's been dwelling in my belly." When I was actually in labor, vomiting and shivering from the shock my body succumbed to, I remember yelling, "I don't want to do this...it hurts too bad. I don't care what comes next...this hurts too bad."

That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. It hurts too bad. But there remains that still small voice reminding me of the life that just might burst forth if I endure these labor pains.

So, to you blog, I will try to return, though you make my heart feel the necessary contractions.