Friday, February 5, 2010


I had to sift through some old photos for my mother today (she's working on a family photo project) and I came across some that I fell in love with all over again. This was one of them. It was taken when we were living in Uganda back in 2006. I am smiling in the photo despite carrying a hot, sweaty and tired little 4 year old Bailey upon my back. We had actually just finished meeting with a family of orphans whose parents had died from AIDS. It was a day that I will never forget - filled with conversations that I will never forget. Feelings of peacefulness, fear, sorrow, and confusion were all swirled together in this single day. Even now as I think back upon that day I am filled with a longing to return and a simultaneous desire to quiet the internal restlessness that often gets me into troublesome situations. Oh...ambivalence...when will we become friends? When will I learn to let you settle within my bones? When will I stop wanting to hurl you against the wall, run like hell and never look back?

1 comment:

laurie said...

Oh my gosh, that picture is gorgeous! It felt full of life even before I read the story behind it.

I understand - ambivalence, Africa, peace, fear, loss, ambivalence about ambivalence. How do we maintain sanity and wholeness when our deepest desires seem to be pulling us in so many different directions?