We watched this clip in my Vocational & Occupational Direction class tonight and thought it was well worth posting here!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Worlds Collide
I’m a master at convincing,
A doctor of deceit,
A magical manipulator,
All for survival’s sake.
Because if you believe you need me
Maybe you’ll refrain from leaving,
So I can believe for a moment
My life even matters.
If I let you use me,
Maybe you’ll convince me
I’m good for something…
Something useful at least.
The emptiness and pain only grow
If you need me for nothing.
An unneeded life slowly withers away
And is swallowed by deafening isolation
So here I sit,
waiting, wasting away
wanting to be needed
dying to be used again.
A doctor of deceit,
A magical manipulator,
All for survival’s sake.
Because if you believe you need me
Maybe you’ll refrain from leaving,
So I can believe for a moment
My life even matters.
If I let you use me,
Maybe you’ll convince me
I’m good for something…
Something useful at least.
The emptiness and pain only grow
If you need me for nothing.
An unneeded life slowly withers away
And is swallowed by deafening isolation
So here I sit,
waiting, wasting away
wanting to be needed
dying to be used again.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sand Art
I received a link to this video from a dear friend yesterday. It was so powerful and moving that I had to post it here!
Monday, October 19, 2009
R&R...&R
I made it to reading week. I've felt like I've literally been holding my breath and gripping onto life with every ounce of effort I'm capable of exerting so far in this final year of my program. And so this week is about rest, reorganization, and reflection - the 3 r's of reading week for me!
I have learned what it means to rest - to find space and comfort for myself in solitude and in communion. My hope for this week is to find the beautiful balance between time alone and time with those I love most at this stage in my life... and I'm off to a great start. I am sipping on my favorite coffee blend, listening to a wonderful collection of tunes, collecting my thoughts and giving them life through the movement of my fingers upon this overused keyboard. I am wrapped up in my favorite animal print blanket - one of the first things I bought during our time in Uganda - staring out my favorite window in our apartment. Moses is sitting here with me. We've been through quite a bit together. He has been a part of my journey for 12 years now. He doesn't say much - actually he doesn't say anything at all. Yet, his presence has perhaps been the most consistent aspect of my life as I've journeyed through my early adulthood. It is restful for me to sit here with him right beside me.
Reorganization will come when I begin to feel the need to be productive. It usually consists of cleaning like mad and mapping out the remainder of the term (which means constructing a calendar that outlines what I should be reading and how much of it I should be reading nearly everyday until the end of the term). Organization has always been a way for me to experience some sense of order amidst the chaos of my life -- and God knows I'm in desperate need of some order at this stage of my life as a student, intern, mother, wife and occasional friend (though this area seems to be suffering from the chaos the most).
I have a sense that it is reflection that is most needed this week...and most difficult at the same time. Strange how that is often the case. My brief return to Colorado just over a week ago opened up an awareness of my current state of homelessness that is as equally saddening as it is frightening. It's been over three years since I left the only life I had ever really known in Littleton, Colorado. And I don't think I was prepared for just how much I could change in a relatively short period of time. These last three years have not been normal years - they have been filled with life-altering experiences. From my transition out of my role at WBCC, exposure to the suffering and circumstances of the women and children of Uganda, the six months I spent living with my father (the most time I've ever spent with him consecutively since I was 5 years old), to the revelations discovered about myself and my relationships upon entering into the program at MHGS -- it has been one heck of a roller coaster experience. Much has changed...and much has quite simply only begun to emerge.
Who will I be once I leave this place? What will I do? Who will I be able to connect with? How will I continue to move forward in this process of emerging as a self in order to experience more genuine relationships in all areas of my life? These are the questions swimming around in my head. These are the unknowns that heighten my anxiety. Though my love for those who have been an integral part of my life was felt deeply and perhaps even more intensely than ever before during my brief visit in CO, my rootedness in that community has evidently dissipated.
I feel like this tree that I am staring at just outside my window. It has apparently tried to desperately hold onto the few remaining golden leaves left hanging by a thread. Each time the wind blows, more beautiful glimmering leaves fall to the ground. The leaves that have filled up the life of this tree in the past are coming to their end. But I am afraid of the winter that will certainly approach quickly after all of the leaves have been stripped. But I know that for there to be new life, there must be a certain kind of death. I just hope that I can hold onto the hope of resurrection as the chill of the winter sets in deep within my bones.
I have learned what it means to rest - to find space and comfort for myself in solitude and in communion. My hope for this week is to find the beautiful balance between time alone and time with those I love most at this stage in my life... and I'm off to a great start. I am sipping on my favorite coffee blend, listening to a wonderful collection of tunes, collecting my thoughts and giving them life through the movement of my fingers upon this overused keyboard. I am wrapped up in my favorite animal print blanket - one of the first things I bought during our time in Uganda - staring out my favorite window in our apartment. Moses is sitting here with me. We've been through quite a bit together. He has been a part of my journey for 12 years now. He doesn't say much - actually he doesn't say anything at all. Yet, his presence has perhaps been the most consistent aspect of my life as I've journeyed through my early adulthood. It is restful for me to sit here with him right beside me.
Reorganization will come when I begin to feel the need to be productive. It usually consists of cleaning like mad and mapping out the remainder of the term (which means constructing a calendar that outlines what I should be reading and how much of it I should be reading nearly everyday until the end of the term). Organization has always been a way for me to experience some sense of order amidst the chaos of my life -- and God knows I'm in desperate need of some order at this stage of my life as a student, intern, mother, wife and occasional friend (though this area seems to be suffering from the chaos the most).
I have a sense that it is reflection that is most needed this week...and most difficult at the same time. Strange how that is often the case. My brief return to Colorado just over a week ago opened up an awareness of my current state of homelessness that is as equally saddening as it is frightening. It's been over three years since I left the only life I had ever really known in Littleton, Colorado. And I don't think I was prepared for just how much I could change in a relatively short period of time. These last three years have not been normal years - they have been filled with life-altering experiences. From my transition out of my role at WBCC, exposure to the suffering and circumstances of the women and children of Uganda, the six months I spent living with my father (the most time I've ever spent with him consecutively since I was 5 years old), to the revelations discovered about myself and my relationships upon entering into the program at MHGS -- it has been one heck of a roller coaster experience. Much has changed...and much has quite simply only begun to emerge.
Who will I be once I leave this place? What will I do? Who will I be able to connect with? How will I continue to move forward in this process of emerging as a self in order to experience more genuine relationships in all areas of my life? These are the questions swimming around in my head. These are the unknowns that heighten my anxiety. Though my love for those who have been an integral part of my life was felt deeply and perhaps even more intensely than ever before during my brief visit in CO, my rootedness in that community has evidently dissipated.
I feel like this tree that I am staring at just outside my window. It has apparently tried to desperately hold onto the few remaining golden leaves left hanging by a thread. Each time the wind blows, more beautiful glimmering leaves fall to the ground. The leaves that have filled up the life of this tree in the past are coming to their end. But I am afraid of the winter that will certainly approach quickly after all of the leaves have been stripped. But I know that for there to be new life, there must be a certain kind of death. I just hope that I can hold onto the hope of resurrection as the chill of the winter sets in deep within my bones.
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me JUST this once,
Or have You answered already
In ways I’ve yet to hear?
I have heard it once said -
You are the vine and I am the branch.
But how can this be –
Am I just an extension of Thee?
They say you are a HE
So then where is the ME that is not a HE?
Am I the leaf, the adornment of the branch
For whom most of the HEs claim to be?
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me JUST this once,
Or have You answered already
In ways I’ve yet to hear?
If I am a tree born of all three of Thee,
Could it be that I am then somehow a me -
Created through, for and in your miraculous
Conception, intersection, interpenetration?
If this is the truth of how I came to be,
Then why can’t I find my way
Back to the safety, security, synchronicity
Of your womb of three?
Why must I be ME and not hide in Thee?
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me JUST this once,
Or have You answered already
In ways I’ve yet to hear?
If I am a tree and You are Thee,
The Sun, The Rain and The Earth
Then might you explain this to me –
Created out of, into, or both/and,
Where are You and Me and We?
You see, this is the dance we do – You and Me,
Sun, Rain, Earth, Vines, Branches, Leaves and All
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me Just this once,
Or have You answered already
In the dance of WE?
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me JUST this once,
Or have You answered already
In ways I’ve yet to hear?
I have heard it once said -
You are the vine and I am the branch.
But how can this be –
Am I just an extension of Thee?
They say you are a HE
So then where is the ME that is not a HE?
Am I the leaf, the adornment of the branch
For whom most of the HEs claim to be?
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me JUST this once,
Or have You answered already
In ways I’ve yet to hear?
If I am a tree born of all three of Thee,
Could it be that I am then somehow a me -
Created through, for and in your miraculous
Conception, intersection, interpenetration?
If this is the truth of how I came to be,
Then why can’t I find my way
Back to the safety, security, synchronicity
Of your womb of three?
Why must I be ME and not hide in Thee?
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me JUST this once,
Or have You answered already
In ways I’ve yet to hear?
If I am a tree and You are Thee,
The Sun, The Rain and The Earth
Then might you explain this to me –
Created out of, into, or both/and,
Where are You and Me and We?
You see, this is the dance we do – You and Me,
Sun, Rain, Earth, Vines, Branches, Leaves and All
Am I one of the trees born of Thee –
The Sun, The Rain, and The Earth?
This – what I long to know, to grow, to love-
This is my question for You, of You, by You.
Will You answer me Just this once,
Or have You answered already
In the dance of WE?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Theology Project
I've been up late tonight working on this project for my theology class. It's an assignment that has consumed much of my thoughts in the past month. We were asked to creatively construct a "map" to illustrate our current understanding or questioning in regard to God in the context of relationship with Humanity...or more pointedly - God in relation to myself. Although poetry was my primary medium for this project (which allowed me an opportunity to open the questions up even moreso internally), I did attempt to draw something. Lauren, I thought you would be proud of me so I decided to post a little picture for your viewing.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Like it...link it
What does it mean to be human?
Our adaptability and self-transcendence work together to rob us of any sense of identity that can be derived from the world. Plasticity means that we lack a biological "home" in the cosmos. Other living beings have a discoverable "niche" in the biological framework. But biologists have yet to discover a set role for
humankind that explains our purpose for existence.
At the same time, our adaptability and self-transcedence mean that we enjoy the unique possiblity of continually experiencing our environment in new ways. We can project, envision, and plan for an existence "beyond" any "world" we create.
But for this reason, we are never completely fulfilled by any one achievment or by any one "world" we fashion as a "home" for ourselves. Rather than being at home in the world, we are continually on the move to something yet undefined. We are always seeking the new, the "future," the not yet. We continually chase that illusive "something" which surpasses the here-and-now or the status quo. We are continually shaping and reshaping our envirnoment in an unfulfilled attempt to create a "home" for ourselves.
~Stanley Grenz, Created for Community
I was reminded of this excerpt yesterday as I sat in my theology class and contemplated the notion that human beingness is about a process of becoming. These concepts are still floating around in my head and are only in the beginning stages of forming a lens for which I can peer through to make sense of life from a new vantage point...but I thought it was worth posting for others to contemplate as well.
humankind that explains our purpose for existence.
At the same time, our adaptability and self-transcedence mean that we enjoy the unique possiblity of continually experiencing our environment in new ways. We can project, envision, and plan for an existence "beyond" any "world" we create.
But for this reason, we are never completely fulfilled by any one achievment or by any one "world" we fashion as a "home" for ourselves. Rather than being at home in the world, we are continually on the move to something yet undefined. We are always seeking the new, the "future," the not yet. We continually chase that illusive "something" which surpasses the here-and-now or the status quo. We are continually shaping and reshaping our envirnoment in an unfulfilled attempt to create a "home" for ourselves.
~Stanley Grenz, Created for Community
I was reminded of this excerpt yesterday as I sat in my theology class and contemplated the notion that human beingness is about a process of becoming. These concepts are still floating around in my head and are only in the beginning stages of forming a lens for which I can peer through to make sense of life from a new vantage point...but I thought it was worth posting for others to contemplate as well.
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