That's just the way I roll...

I guess. I've been thinking a lot lately about how serious I seem in these blog posts of mine. It's strange how only a certain part of me is able to bleed onto these virtual pages filled with somber-toned words. For whatever reason, the freakishly weird and goofy parts of me rarely reveal themselves in this space. Why is that? I'm not sure.

Perhaps it is because this is one of few outlets I allow for the brooding side of me to emerge (the side that is always going up against my own shame of intensity).

Perhaps it is because I have not yet learned how to truly bring the deep-feeling parts of me into relationship and somehow using this blog as a medium of expression is a step in that direction.

Perhaps I know far too much of my own and the world's suffering and not nearly enough of the beauty, freedom and delight of life in abundance.

Being the transformation-addict I am, I'd like to attempt to move in a direction that feels more balanced (at least in this space). So here's a list of some of the freakishly weird and goofy parts of myself that the brooding, emotionally intense, intellectual junkie in me has to learn how to embrace:

I tend to trip over my own feet at least once a day.
I make funny faces at myself in the mirror on a regular basis.
I have a ritual of passing gas first thing each day, rolling over and whispering, "Good morning!" to Brian.
Dancing alone in my bedroom is one of my favorite things to do.
99% of the time I listen to depressing music, but when I'm in the mood for something different I listen to the girls' Taylor Swift Album and belt out the lyrics as loud as I can.
I become a different person when I play sports or do anything athletic - I am strong, determined and downright beastly.
I still recite cheers from HS in my head (oh...and sometimes I do the moves...yes, in front of the mirror).

There, that should do for now. I think that's a step in the right direction.

High desert

High desert
snowcapped arrows
break the surface
of the cold crisp
blue blanket
suffocating me

Chapped skin
dry tongue
quenched only
by memory
of dew drops
discovered anew
each morning
near the sea

Must acclimate
for survival
slowly i am
learning to live
with less
breath
trees
water

High desert
challenge me
I will survive
hope will sustain
enduring hope
from the taste
of life known
near the sea

I needed some inspiration today...

So I caught up on reading this blog. It is the story of an MHGS Alumnus that was in a motorcycle accident in June of 2010. He broke his back in the accident and had less than a 10% chance of ever having significant movement below the middle of his chest. My faith in miracles has been renewed after reading his story and watching this video this morning.

awakening...

We were in a minor fender-bender on New Year's Eve. We probably shouldn't have even gone out that day, we knew the roads would be slick after the 8 inches of snow we welcomed the day before. But considering the five of us are all still living in a single bedroom, the need to venture out after being snowed in for a day was too significant to resist. We were about to turn into a parking lot when I heard a blaring horn coming from behind. Before I could completely turn around to see what the fuss was all about, I felt the jostling as a jeep slid right into the back of our vehicle. There is little damage and the whole ordeal was rather minor.  But with each passing day I've discovered new aches spread throughout my back and my neck. Today is the worst of it so far.

It's funny to think that the body takes a little while to wake up from the trauma. If it takes a number of days for the damage to the body to be registered by the brain after an incredibly minor incident which lasted less than 2 seconds time...I'm left to wonder how long it takes the body to awaken from trauma that lasted for years.